Timbals

Sunday, March 30th, 2008

They Have Kids

You’ve met someone who stirs you in ways you’ve only
imagined. E-mail from them arrives in your mailbox and you
smile. Their voice on the other end of the line makes your
stomach flutter. The sight of them makes all your worries seem
unimportant and their happiness all that matters- until you hear
a child scream for them and they have to deal with the situation
in another part of the house. You snap out of your amorous state
of mind and anxiously wonder if you are ready to deal with the
other part of their life- the kids.

I’m sure you knew going into the relationship that they had
kids. It wasn’t a real issue until you met them. All kinds of
feelings are associated with this kind of situation. Anxiety,
unease and feeling uncertain about the kind of roll you might
play in the lives of this family. It can feel like an
overwhelming position but one that you are considering if you
have begun to contemplate your readiness.

You are with this person because there is chemistry. A
relationship with the kind of chemistry you feel with this
person is hard to find. It was easy to put off dealing with the
fact that children were involved at first. When your new partner
was ready, you were invited to meet the kids and that’s where
the reality set in.

First and foremost, you must like children! If you generally
find that you don’t enjoy children, there isn’t a very good
chance you might miraculously fall in love with his or her kids.
You need to see how well you get along with the children. A day
at the park or an outing for ice cream is a great way for
everyone to interact and feel each other out.

You will need to see how well you get along with the ‘ex’ if he
or she is involved. In any kind of situation, the better the
adults get along, the better it is for the children. You don’t
have to be best friends, but to be able to acknowledge each
other in greetings and exchange a few words let the kids know
that you aren’t any threat to the existing structure of the
family.

Finally, you need to define your role in this family. A detailed
discussion with your partner about this should clearly define
any kind of expectations and limitations on your part. You
should also use this opportunity to express your concerns and
address them. Above all, the fact that you have reached the
point of asking yourself if you can handle being with someone
who has children is healthy and normal. It is a realization many
people have to deal with these days. The maturity it takes to
recognize and deal with the potential issues has you already
taking a very positive step forward, whatever your decision
might be.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 30th, 2008 at 9:45 pm and is filed under Helpful Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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